March 21, 2009
Apr 10, 2009 18:59:28 GMT -5
Post by Evelynne Reeves on Apr 10, 2009 18:59:28 GMT -5
((Evie's diary is written in Evie's handwriting which can actually be found in her profile. Go look))
Dear Diary,
More college stuff came today. I don't know if I can stand to have to look at anymore of it. I mean sure, I already know where I'm going and all but all the other stuff that keeps coming in isn't helping me any. I don't want to think about how many schools that I got into or what scholarships that I've been given or any of it. College was something that I looked forward to at the beginning of the year. Now it's just a sucky reminder of how little time I have left here. It's almost April, then it will be May and after that June will come and it'll be all over. I can't imagine it. Leaving this place, it's practically my home now. I've spent so much time here. Sure, a lot of it was alone and stuff but it was still here. And I know all the teachers and stuff and even the other staff of the school, too. I know most of the lunch ladies for instance and they always talk to me and ask me how my day is going and stuff. And then of course, there's the biggest thing of all. Ian.
How could I ever just go somewhere he isn't? The thought seems a bit crazy when I think about where I was at the beginning of the year but now it's not crazy at all. It hurts to think about it. Not being around him for the entire summer even and then to top it all off it'll be the whole school year. The entire year. I don't know if I'll be able to do it. Phone and IM conversations can't get me through that long without him. We're talking about months at a time without being able to kiss him or hug him or cuddle up to him or even being able to see him smile. I love his smile, especially when it's the crooked one that just makes me happy to look at it. How can I go without that?
I'm scared. As much as I don't want to admit it, I'm scared. I'm scared of going to a new place and failing at it. After all, what if I'm not cut out for college? It's a possibility after all. Maybe I won't be able to handle it or something. I hear that happens to a lot of students. I don't want to be a freshman that doesn't make it out. And then what would people think of me? I'm usually not vain enough to care about that kind of stuff. But failing your freshman year is a pretty big thing, everyone would know about it and I would never be able to live it down. And then even though I don't want to be the girlfriend that worries about it or gets all self conscious I kind of can't help it. Of course I know that Ian wouldn't cheat or anything of the sorts but what if while I'm away he just sort of realizes that I'm really not all that good. What if he finds someone else that is just as amazing as he is?
I hate it. I hate that I even worry about that kind of stuff. I shouldn't be worrying about it. I haven't told Ian because I know that he'll think I'm silly. He'll tell me that it won't happen that way, that we'll be able to make it out of everything. But what if we can't, what if we end up like a less dramatic version of Dan and Serena? Oh God.. I just referenced Gossip Girl in my diary. I blame it on the fact that I always have to watch that show to get in any kind of mindset to write the gossip column (Luckily, I'm through with that though since some freshman e-mailed in asking how she could get the job and I just gave it to her without worrying too much about it. She already sent it in and she seems pretty good at it actually).
Alright, I think I'm just going to call it a night because I definitely need to. This whole entry is just insane and it's far time that it's finished.
Evie
Dear Diary,
More college stuff came today. I don't know if I can stand to have to look at anymore of it. I mean sure, I already know where I'm going and all but all the other stuff that keeps coming in isn't helping me any. I don't want to think about how many schools that I got into or what scholarships that I've been given or any of it. College was something that I looked forward to at the beginning of the year. Now it's just a sucky reminder of how little time I have left here. It's almost April, then it will be May and after that June will come and it'll be all over. I can't imagine it. Leaving this place, it's practically my home now. I've spent so much time here. Sure, a lot of it was alone and stuff but it was still here. And I know all the teachers and stuff and even the other staff of the school, too. I know most of the lunch ladies for instance and they always talk to me and ask me how my day is going and stuff. And then of course, there's the biggest thing of all. Ian.
How could I ever just go somewhere he isn't? The thought seems a bit crazy when I think about where I was at the beginning of the year but now it's not crazy at all. It hurts to think about it. Not being around him for the entire summer even and then to top it all off it'll be the whole school year. The entire year. I don't know if I'll be able to do it. Phone and IM conversations can't get me through that long without him. We're talking about months at a time without being able to kiss him or hug him or cuddle up to him or even being able to see him smile. I love his smile, especially when it's the crooked one that just makes me happy to look at it. How can I go without that?
I'm scared. As much as I don't want to admit it, I'm scared. I'm scared of going to a new place and failing at it. After all, what if I'm not cut out for college? It's a possibility after all. Maybe I won't be able to handle it or something. I hear that happens to a lot of students. I don't want to be a freshman that doesn't make it out. And then what would people think of me? I'm usually not vain enough to care about that kind of stuff. But failing your freshman year is a pretty big thing, everyone would know about it and I would never be able to live it down. And then even though I don't want to be the girlfriend that worries about it or gets all self conscious I kind of can't help it. Of course I know that Ian wouldn't cheat or anything of the sorts but what if while I'm away he just sort of realizes that I'm really not all that good. What if he finds someone else that is just as amazing as he is?
I hate it. I hate that I even worry about that kind of stuff. I shouldn't be worrying about it. I haven't told Ian because I know that he'll think I'm silly. He'll tell me that it won't happen that way, that we'll be able to make it out of everything. But what if we can't, what if we end up like a less dramatic version of Dan and Serena? Oh God.. I just referenced Gossip Girl in my diary. I blame it on the fact that I always have to watch that show to get in any kind of mindset to write the gossip column (Luckily, I'm through with that though since some freshman e-mailed in asking how she could get the job and I just gave it to her without worrying too much about it. She already sent it in and she seems pretty good at it actually).
Alright, I think I'm just going to call it a night because I definitely need to. This whole entry is just insane and it's far time that it's finished.
Evie