April 15, 2009
May 5, 2009 16:07:20 GMT -5
Post by Mandy Steele on May 5, 2009 16:07:20 GMT -5
Dear Diary,
So I probably should have been mad or upset or something when I learned that Aidan had indeed been part of the group that spied on the girls slumber party. But really the most I could muster was embarrassed and disappointed. And I couldn't even hold onto the emotions for very long either. It's probably not fair, I mean to someone like Elijah when Roxie can stay unhappy with him or whatever, but I have problems staying upset with people. Actually, I have problems getting upset with people in the first place. I don't like it and I guess part of the reason why I couldn't get upset with Aidan was the factor that in some weird way I can kind of see where he's coming from with it. That or I feel slightly guilty. Probably a mixture of the two because I get what he says when he didn't really have anything to loose and I do feel a little guilty about that factor. I mean it kind of has to suck if I look at it from his point of view, considering what all of his friends are off doing wasn't anything close to what we were doing. Well... until more recently.
See, after I got all embarrassed and feeling slightly sad because I did realize that really Aidan didn't have anything to loose or whatever he kind of told be about some of the things that he'd been wanting to do. And because of my inability to stay mad I actually managed to ask him to come over, which was admittedly pretty hard to do. I mean I'm not used to doing that kind of stuff, especially not knowing what I did. But I definitely don't regret it in any way. I mean, it was definitely worth it. Though now I do kind of have some issues with doing things on my own; I just can't get it to feel the same way that he managed to. I don't even really know what he did, it might not have been so different actually... it just felt different. I can't really explain it. But now I kind of wish that he'd do it again, I just haven't really mentioned that little fact yet...
Actually, it's not the only fact I haven't mentioned. See the waiting till marriage thing... I don't exactly know if I do want to wait anymore. Like, not till marriage. I mean, I love Aidan. I love him a lot, and that's kind of what it's for isn't it? Something you're supposed to do with the one you love and it's not like we aren't serious or something. I just don't really know if I'm ready for it right now, but I kind of feel like I am sometimes. I'm confused, I'll admit it. But I haven't really talked to anyone about it yet. Not even Roxie. I don't think it'd be an easy topic to bring up either. So I guess that I'm just... going to wait and see. I don't want to tell Aidan when I'm not sure about it still since he does tend to get a bit... enthusiastic whenever I mention something like that. And I don't really want to give him false hopes of something that I'm not sure will even happen.
Anyway, I've got a whole bunch of math homework still waiting that I should have been doing this whole time.
Love,
Mandy
So I probably should have been mad or upset or something when I learned that Aidan had indeed been part of the group that spied on the girls slumber party. But really the most I could muster was embarrassed and disappointed. And I couldn't even hold onto the emotions for very long either. It's probably not fair, I mean to someone like Elijah when Roxie can stay unhappy with him or whatever, but I have problems staying upset with people. Actually, I have problems getting upset with people in the first place. I don't like it and I guess part of the reason why I couldn't get upset with Aidan was the factor that in some weird way I can kind of see where he's coming from with it. That or I feel slightly guilty. Probably a mixture of the two because I get what he says when he didn't really have anything to loose and I do feel a little guilty about that factor. I mean it kind of has to suck if I look at it from his point of view, considering what all of his friends are off doing wasn't anything close to what we were doing. Well... until more recently.
See, after I got all embarrassed and feeling slightly sad because I did realize that really Aidan didn't have anything to loose or whatever he kind of told be about some of the things that he'd been wanting to do. And because of my inability to stay mad I actually managed to ask him to come over, which was admittedly pretty hard to do. I mean I'm not used to doing that kind of stuff, especially not knowing what I did. But I definitely don't regret it in any way. I mean, it was definitely worth it. Though now I do kind of have some issues with doing things on my own; I just can't get it to feel the same way that he managed to. I don't even really know what he did, it might not have been so different actually... it just felt different. I can't really explain it. But now I kind of wish that he'd do it again, I just haven't really mentioned that little fact yet...
Actually, it's not the only fact I haven't mentioned. See the waiting till marriage thing... I don't exactly know if I do want to wait anymore. Like, not till marriage. I mean, I love Aidan. I love him a lot, and that's kind of what it's for isn't it? Something you're supposed to do with the one you love and it's not like we aren't serious or something. I just don't really know if I'm ready for it right now, but I kind of feel like I am sometimes. I'm confused, I'll admit it. But I haven't really talked to anyone about it yet. Not even Roxie. I don't think it'd be an easy topic to bring up either. So I guess that I'm just... going to wait and see. I don't want to tell Aidan when I'm not sure about it still since he does tend to get a bit... enthusiastic whenever I mention something like that. And I don't really want to give him false hopes of something that I'm not sure will even happen.
Anyway, I've got a whole bunch of math homework still waiting that I should have been doing this whole time.
Love,
Mandy