January 29th, 2011
Feb 4, 2011 13:29:28 GMT -5
Post by Mikayla Upton on Feb 4, 2011 13:29:28 GMT -5
Dear Diary,
I can't even really begin to explain how amazing things have been so far this year. Every since this summer, ever since I made up with Izzy and then came back to school, everything has been so wonderful, and I feel undeserving of it but so very grateful, and blessed for all the good things that have come my way. Part of me wishes it things hadn't had to happen the way they did for me to realize that my life needed to be turned around, that I wouldn't have just... gone and given my virginity to a boy I barely knew, and didn't even like in the slightest, just because I thought it would make me fit in a crowd that I should never have even spent time with in the first place. But I know God had greater purposes for all of us, and if it was His decision to put me in that kind of a situation, then it's because He knew I had something to learn from it.
I've found that I don't need to be anything but who I am to gain happiness in life, and so far it certainly has done me good. I have trouble believing I could even have ever been so mean and bratty toward Izzy, when she's always been nothing but sweet and understanding with me, even when we were little girls, and even when I treated her like the least important being on earth when she really is one of the most important in my heart, along with Mama and Daddy and... well, Nick.
There's so much to say about Nick that I don't even know how to get it out, how to write it down without looking like a silly, crushing school girl... which I guess, in a way, is exactly what I am. I wouldn't admit it anywhere else, but I've actually doodled hearts and flowers and written his name all over my notebook, and in quite a few pages of this diary as well. There's even a few 'Mikayla Upton' and 'Mrs Mikayla Upton' among those, and I feel I would die of embarrassment if he were ever to see any of it, or anybody else for that matter, but at the same time... I'm not ashamed, not in the slightest. My feelings for him have grown so strong in the past few months, and well.. I think I'm in love. No, not I think, I know, I do love him. I just... don't know how to tell him. I'm afraid it's too soon, or he doesn't feel that way yet - I know people's feelings evolve at a different speed, and I would be accepting and understanding of it if I told him and he didn't return the feeling, but I'm sure it would still be much nicer if he did. I wish I could talk to Izzy about it, ask advice, but at the same time... I want him to be the first to hear those words, the first to know that I love him.
On another note, I've also gained many more friendship in the past few weeks. Most of his friends, really, and I'm so glad of it. I knew that, had I behaved differently last year, they probably would have accepted me among their group in a heartbeat, and I was very happy to see they were still open to having me as their friend. Vanessa and Violet are such sweethearts, Rose is really fun, and the boys are all really nice too. As for Valerie and Brooke, well, they're something else, but just as fun and nice to have as friends. I actually just got back from shopping with the two of them, and they helped me get a few articles of clothing, along with a dress for Sadie Hawkins'. I hope Nick will like it.
I should probably go take a shower now, but first I think I'll check online, see if there's anybody to talk with.
Until next time
Miki xo
I can't even really begin to explain how amazing things have been so far this year. Every since this summer, ever since I made up with Izzy and then came back to school, everything has been so wonderful, and I feel undeserving of it but so very grateful, and blessed for all the good things that have come my way. Part of me wishes it things hadn't had to happen the way they did for me to realize that my life needed to be turned around, that I wouldn't have just... gone and given my virginity to a boy I barely knew, and didn't even like in the slightest, just because I thought it would make me fit in a crowd that I should never have even spent time with in the first place. But I know God had greater purposes for all of us, and if it was His decision to put me in that kind of a situation, then it's because He knew I had something to learn from it.
I've found that I don't need to be anything but who I am to gain happiness in life, and so far it certainly has done me good. I have trouble believing I could even have ever been so mean and bratty toward Izzy, when she's always been nothing but sweet and understanding with me, even when we were little girls, and even when I treated her like the least important being on earth when she really is one of the most important in my heart, along with Mama and Daddy and... well, Nick.
There's so much to say about Nick that I don't even know how to get it out, how to write it down without looking like a silly, crushing school girl... which I guess, in a way, is exactly what I am. I wouldn't admit it anywhere else, but I've actually doodled hearts and flowers and written his name all over my notebook, and in quite a few pages of this diary as well. There's even a few 'Mikayla Upton' and 'Mrs Mikayla Upton' among those, and I feel I would die of embarrassment if he were ever to see any of it, or anybody else for that matter, but at the same time... I'm not ashamed, not in the slightest. My feelings for him have grown so strong in the past few months, and well.. I think I'm in love. No, not I think, I know, I do love him. I just... don't know how to tell him. I'm afraid it's too soon, or he doesn't feel that way yet - I know people's feelings evolve at a different speed, and I would be accepting and understanding of it if I told him and he didn't return the feeling, but I'm sure it would still be much nicer if he did. I wish I could talk to Izzy about it, ask advice, but at the same time... I want him to be the first to hear those words, the first to know that I love him.
On another note, I've also gained many more friendship in the past few weeks. Most of his friends, really, and I'm so glad of it. I knew that, had I behaved differently last year, they probably would have accepted me among their group in a heartbeat, and I was very happy to see they were still open to having me as their friend. Vanessa and Violet are such sweethearts, Rose is really fun, and the boys are all really nice too. As for Valerie and Brooke, well, they're something else, but just as fun and nice to have as friends. I actually just got back from shopping with the two of them, and they helped me get a few articles of clothing, along with a dress for Sadie Hawkins'. I hope Nick will like it.
I should probably go take a shower now, but first I think I'll check online, see if there's anybody to talk with.
Until next time
Miki xo