May 27th, 2012
Jan 3, 2014 22:00:58 GMT -5
Post by Melanie Williams on Jan 3, 2014 22:00:58 GMT -5
May 27, 2012
So, I don't know what I'm so upset about. Sure, my first official date makes the time I tried to skateboard down stairs look like a fantastic idea, but I know that I should be pissed off. Everyone else is. Even Beth is pushing to try and find out what happened. Not that I'll tell her because as much as I love her, she's a total drama queen and she'd blow it way out of proportion and I don't need that sort of drama in my life. As it is, I can tell Jess is like itching to do something about the whole mishap but I really don't think it's wise for anyone to get involved. Like, what will happen if they do something and get in trouble? Even if they tried to say it was for me I doubt that's an acceptable answer and it's not like anyone has reason to believe me over Jake.
Okay, maybe I know why I'm upset. I thought that a guy I liked, wanted to go out on a date with me. Like, I thought he liked me and was like 'hey, let's get romantically involved and I'll take you out places and we'll do stuff together and people will see and it'll be okay'. Instead, all he wanted was to sleep with me. Which, it seems to be a recurring theme that people want to get physical with me but not do anything else. I never thought that this would be a problem for me, but apparently it is. What a strange world.
Guess this makes me 0 for 3 in the crush department. One would think having three crushes would pan out somehow, but no. Jake is a douche that just wanted in my pants. Amanda... well she's amazing, she's beautiful and smart and funny but kissing her just wasn't as good as I thought it would be. And I'm actually okay with that, because the more time I spend with her, the more I realize that she is way too much like Beth for me to ever be in a relationship with her. I think we make good friends though and the making out was like a bonus.
Olivier... Oli, God. The most hopeless case of them all and yet I'm still like hanging on to that. I try not to be because it's pointless and I know it. Oli is great, he's witty, funny, crazy smart and fun to hang out with. And for all that is good and holy, he's so hot that it's not even fair. How should he be allowed to be that hot? No wonder girls throw themselves at him all the time. Ugh, I'm in too deep with this stupid crush. We made out once (and I've never wanted anyone like I did then) but that's all that's going to happen there. I'm just another name on the list of girls hopelessly charmed by him.
I guess I was hoping that going out with Jake would solve everything. That I'd be more than another name on someone's list of people they've gotten physical with. And that I'd put my stupid crush on Olivier away before he notices and stops hanging out with me. Oh well, I shouldn't dwell on it, but I think I need a change. Something to get my mind in a different place. Maybe something physical, cut off my hair or something.
But I have to go. I've got a dance partner to meet up with and I just needed to get this all off my chest so that I don't just screw everything up.
- Mel